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Thursday, 23 April 2009

I’m Scared.




I’ve been assigned an Elderly person for my charity work but unfortunately there will be no recipes, it’s a man!! I’m getting a granddad not a grandma I really pray we get on well. Sunday is our first meet up. (if you have no clue what I’m talking about read here)



So you know what I’m up to this weekend the charity work, but next weekend I’m taking Mr Special to stay at my Mummy’s. He was supposed to come up with it was her 50th but it clashed with his brothers wedding rehearsal so he couldn’t make it.


My family have already met him and already like him. They are happy because he makes me happy but as things get more serious suddenly I’m starting to feel scared. (sigh)

I have been through this twice before and the pattern goes something like this


Ten Steps to Doom

  1. I met the person and got into a serious relationship
  2. Introduced them to all my friends
  3. Taken them home to my family
  4. Family fall for the person and welcome him with open arms
  5. Suddenly he is in the fold, they remember his birthdays buy him gifts for xmas etc
  6. Things are happy for a few years
  7. Then somehow it all messes up
  8. I’m broken-hearted
  9. They are broken-hearted as the longer the person is around the more they get to know and love them
  10. And it’s back to square one…


(bigger sigh) I just don’t know if I can do it again not for a third time. To them or to me…I just don’t know if I can go through those ten steps again. I want it to get to point six and stay there for a lifetime and when I look in the mirror I have to ask myself, why cant it?

I’m scared in fact I’m petrified it won’t or that one day he will just turn around and stop loving me or taking care of me like he does. That tends to happen with me and its a real confidence kicker. However things are so so wonderful in our lives right now (only six weeks until we go to Antigua)


I have left myself totally open to him and perhaps it’s too much too soon but he has friends that were engaged within four months of meeting and we both believe that when you know its right you know.


Sometimes…by Angel

I have to hold my breath at the beautiful things he does…I am in awe

I have to try and reciprocate to show him how much I care….I am in love

I have to pray each night that we never reach point seven….I am in hope

Will you pray with me?



15 comments:

Robyn said...

No need to be scared dear,,
we all go down that path
you will be ok.
wait n see.

ShonaVixen said...

Yes hon I will pray with you and this time it stop @point 6 and last forever!!!
I'll definitely will be noting it down in my prayer journal tonight!!
And hey being with a grand-dad is also fun..i miss my grand-day!!

Casiius said...

I'm sure this will work. The fear can be natural but don't let it overcome you because you have such a beautiful thing going and it sounds like it can grow to something amazing!

People worry about a lot of things these days, and things in the world around us tend to reinforce these fears. I believe you need to block out the noise around you and listen to your heart. Easier said than done, and I haven't mastered it yet, but I'm trying.

Solomon said...

I'm with Robyn on this one, no need to be scared, it'll be fine, wait and see.

My World said...

I might just give you same advice but i want to believe that you went thru those 1st 2 4 a reason...
Just take it easy,dearie,you'l get there..

Notion said...

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Tha BossMack TopSoil said...

Sometimes you gotta say FUCK IT, ya know. Cop that hoodie babygurl, It would look good on you.

Shishi said...

sweetie i wil pray with you, just take it a day at a time,dont worry about the fears, infact put the fears aside.

Mizrepresent said...

My first time here Angel...you have a beautiful spirit...and i just wanted to tell you, just go with it for now. Don't speak any negatives into the future...stay with the positive!

Lyrically speaking said...

Been there, have taken him home to meet the family and they fell in love with him. It didn't work out and now he's married to someone else with a child and yet still keeps in contact with my family which to me is so strange, lol. Great post

Selah said...

Good luck on the meet up!!

As for Mr. Special... don't be afraid... God has plans for you, trust in Him and what's meant to be will be...

In other words, I agree with Casiius lol

Angel said...

@ Robyn, thanks hun

@ ShonaVixen, awww you miss Grandad, I didn’t know any of mine.

@ Casiius, I’m going to work out my noise blocking programme

@ Solomon, whoo thank you I will be patient

@ My World, yeah I probably did go through the first two for a reason – I’m starting to realise that more and more

@ Tha BossMack TopSoil, lol thanks…

@ Shishi, awww yes, taking each day at a time and putting fears aside, what great advice

@ Mizrepresent, Welcome!! So happy you stopped by I will try and stay positive.

@ Lyrically speaking, well your family must be lovely there is one part of you he couldn’t let go I suppose. One of my ex’s Mum still emails me each week.

@ Selah, Thank you dear….how is salsa coming along?

blogoratti said...

Wish you all the best on that,fear nothing but fear itself!!

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

Hey girlie! Love, in all forms, can be scary. Your emotions and vulnerability compete with past experiences, etc. Do me one favor...don't rehearse the ten steps in your mind. Completely forget them as though they never happened. You've opened yourself to new love and possibilities, don't cancel them out with stinkin' thinkin'...lol...I'm saying this for my benefit too. Everything will work out. Much love!

P.S. Oh, and you'll be fine with your new senior. I'm quite sure he'll be grateful for the company and that someone cares :-).

Angel said...

@ Blgoratti, what a cool name, ok I will fix up and stop being afraid of thngs that have not happened yet

@ CurvyGurl, thank you for your advice, im going to do exactly as you say...