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Tuesday, 2 June 2009

The Kung Fu Bikini Wax

I didn’t think I would have the chance to blog again before I left but here I am. I couldn’t leave without telling you this story.

Yesterday, the final thing on my 'to do list before the holiday' was to get a bikini wax. That’s it, now I'm packed and will be setting off in the early hours.

I'm sure you all remember that waxident that I had where I took off my skin (Read Here) so I thought on this occasion the best thing for me to do would be to get it done professionally.

I always go to the same salon and the lady that does me is a Ghanaian woman called Elizabeth, she is lovely and I'm really comfortable with her. When I arrived at the Salon the receptionist a skinny blonde haired polish girl called through to the beauty room and said 'Ma Cho, Angel is here for her appointment"

Surprised I said "sorry, who is Ma Cho? My appointment is with Elizabeth"

The skinny lady replied "ah yeah Elizabeth is off sick, but don’t worry Ma Cho is good you will be fine" When she said that I noted a slight smile in the corners of her lips and that was that.

I waited standing in reception, it’s really hot at the moment and it was baking in there so I was by the door feeling a little breeze. Suddenly I heard a high pitched scream of surprise which forced me to turn around.

As I turned I saw it was a tiny old oriental lady who had made the noise. I'm around 5f10' and she wasn’t even 4 foot! She didn’t even come higher than my armpit. I had heels and shorts on so my legs must have looked so so long compared to her.

"HAA!! Oh my" she screamed (I wish I knew how to type the accent, just imagine a little Oriental woman and the way she spoke) "WOW, GIANT BIG LADY" she said "Big lady, big vagina, we will need more wax come come quickly lot of work now"

I was speechless and in a bemused state I followed her to the beauty room.

Elizabeth usually gives me a false sense of privacy by leaving the room whilst I strip to my underwear and then gives me a knock a minute or two later and asks if it’s ok to come in.

Not Ma Cho! Ma Cho just stood there smiling and waving her hands at me "come big black lady, hurry hurry, big vagina, I go cause you lot of pain huh? You go cause me lot of work huh?"

I felt shy and started to protest "I haven’t got a big vagina…" but she interrupted "HAA, hurry now, I feel excited"

I was in two minds if I should just put back on the shorts as I don’t want anyone in an excited mode waxing my most private parts so I said

"Well calm down, there is nothing to be excited about"

I took off my shorts and sat on the bed and I started to explain what I wanted when with one Kung Fu like move in the blink of an eye she slammed me down flat on the bed and ripped off my pants!! I'm telling you she was strong she winded me!

She said "shut up I know what to do" then glancing and the torn underwear she said "oh no, that always happening to me”

I, on the other hand was mortified. I have never removed my underwear for a bikini wax in my life! I had no intention of showing someone my stuff.

When I told my friend about that part she was in hysterics and when I told Mr Special he said "Torn? Like what ripped off? Did she not think you might want to keep those pants or perhaps you might like to travel home with underwear on?"

Apparently not!

So I'm lying back seeing the funny side now and her excited ways had me feeling like giggling I told her, please Ma Cho, not too much.

Because I was laughing it spurred her on. She was getting carried away and dancing around doing a few chops in the air. Every time she pulled off the wax strip she made a “YAH” sound

“I go make it nice for you” Rip YAH, Rip YAH, Rip YAH

“I go make you sexy lady” Rip YAH, Rip YAH, Rip YAH

“I make nice vagina, you have nice vagina , oooh sexy vagina”

Things were disappearing fast and I quickly pushed her out of the way and stood up.

Ma Cho, enough! I was laughing hard by then. But come on, I didn’t want to be bald. There needs to be some hair there. I believe that the men that like it totally bald are the ones who have some kind of paedophilic fantasies who want sex with little girls so there needs to be a bit of something to show I am a woman.

“Ok Ok big Amazon lady” she said “I stop now, but please lay down so I can put cream”

“Phew” I thought

So I lay back closing my eyes when I felt little pinches

I looked back up and saw she now had tweezers

“I get really small hairs ok? I make nice for you ok?

Luckily this only lasted a few minutes when she finally put some cream on and I left

“All ok?” the receptionist said I could see she was trying not to laugh it was then I realised that the whole place could hear everything.

What an experience!!

Talk to you when I get back x


E's said...

Hilarious! I don't know if you wanted your male followers comments, but that shit was funny.

Oh yeah, by the way, I love totally bald. No pedophile tendencies at all. I hate a wolf-like vagina. (Well hate may be too strong a word.)

Mr. Special I'm sure will thank Ms. Cho. Enjoy your trip.

Angel said...

lol E's half wolf-like? what is going on with you and creatures, first bears now wolves!!

I dont mind who comments, glad you stopped by.

ANGELINA said...

Haha! What an experience! It seems like she enjoys her job! So are you going to ask for her again next time?

Robyn said...

i swear i have laughed at you all the way.
Ohh dear.

Anonymous said...

lmao, i've never laughed so hard. i can just imagine the accent

Erin Michell said...

This is the most hilarious thing I have read all day.....get a wax is never fun. I believe its a necessity, but its never fun to have hair ripped off.......LMAO!!!!

Keith said...

I'm glad I'm not a woman...Couldn't go through that.
Any body ripping my knickers would have to buy me a new pair.

Anonymous said...

Oh wow. I laughed throughout the whole post. But yeah she would have had to pay for my knickers.

ShonaVixen said...

Ooooh to be a fly on the wall!!LMHO!!! Girl, you need to tell me where this woman is so i can just go and look at her, shake my head and laugh!!!
Thanks you've made my morning hon!!!!

novisi said...

o yeah!

how funny!

and what a read for me! loved it.

Ma Cho is such a pro! lmao!

Anonymous said...


well where are you going, and glad you were able to stop by and show some love before leaving. Take care!!

DeeJayWes said...

hey angel i was commenting back your blog is nice twitter me at

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

ROFL...This is too funny for words!

Shishi said...

have i been away that long....this is hilarious!!!!!!!!1

12kyle said...

this was hilarious!!!! i'm rollin'!

btw...if somebody rips my boxers...i'm kickin their ass!

Emeka Amakeze said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Angel, what do you. . . . Ha ha ha ha ha

Angel said...

@ Angelina – hun I want to read your blog but you have locked it off. So sorry if you don’t see me around. Yeah she seems like she really does love her job

@ Robyn, Neema divine, Shishi and CurvyGurl, lol im glad I could make you laugh. See you on your blogs soon.

@ Erin Michell, you are so right sis, it’s a necessity but never fun!

@ Keith, yeah us women have to go through some bad stuff to look good for you men. No beauty without pain, but you know some men have this wax called the back sac and crack wax, I think that sounds more painful!

@ BorednTalkative, You know if I ever have her again she will have to pay for them, girl it was so shameful laying there with no pants on.

@ ShonaVixen, girl Golders Green don’t go waxing around there.

@ Novisi, Welcome I have never seen you around!! Glad you liked the post.

@ Oyin, girlfriend don’t you read my blog, I have been going on and on and on about this holiday since Feb when Mr Special and I booked it. Slap on the wrists for you sis.

@ DeeJayWes, I haven’t joined the twitter club just yet, blogging takes up much of my time. Hope to see you again.

@ 12kyle lol so Ma Cho would have seen some Kung Fu from you then

@ Emeka, Long time where have you been???

Dope Fiend said...

HAHAHAAHAHAH! hilaaaaaaaarrios!!!

lol would u recommmend her tho???
i need a wax!

Angel said...

@ Dope Feind, well I would if you want an action wax lol

Ondo Lady said...

Erm, sounds like pure and utter touture. I am a lightweight when it comes to pain anyway but that experience would have made me pass out.

Angel said...

lol, I think I was laughing too much to consider the pain.

Dina said...

bwahahahahaha, that was one heck of an experience! really! this made my day.. can brazilian bikini wax get anymore exciting?! I've heard a lot of funny stories every now and then but this was the most hilarious! XD