My People, Please add yourself!

Monday, 29 September 2008

To You - My Sunshine has come

I love being a woman; I love everything about being female especially under the admiring gaze of a handsome black man. I love feeling beautiful, sexy, soft, and girly, battering my lashes and smiling my coco smile. So when you turned up on Saturday night for our ‘dinner date’ and made me feel like a lady, you brightened my life.

I’ve been more tired than I knew, I felt lonely, stressed, abandoned and alone. I was fed up of being strong, fed up of drama, fed up of life and yet I was just trying to keep on my path otherwise I would have fallen off.

You turned up on time and with flowers! You even let me walk through the door first. Those small things that many of our men have forgotten meant so much to me. When women are let down by men we turn slightly cynical, become closed and utter things like ‘never again’. We suddenly try to do everything and decide that we can take care of ourselves. On Saturday you took care of me, and I didn’t have to be anything other than be a woman.

You won’t remember but at the restaurant when I took my coat off and you did a ‘hmmmmmm’ of approval and told me you liked my dress. I saw your eyes, you admired me and under your gaze I relaxed. Under your gaze I let everything that I was holding onto go, worries, stresses strains and I became me again and you and I just talked.

So thank you for making me feel that way and for everything else that you are.

I have a little feeling that even though a few things have happened to me that haven’t been good…from now on…life is going to be just great! I’ve made a decision to let it all go and just concentrate on being me…and you really helped in that.

Wednesday, 24 September 2008

Is this what is happening to our black men?

Wow, yesterday I wrote about my experience on the train and today I saw this photo!
Its so true!!!

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Four Times on the Train

The first time I saw him on the train, I was irritated. A couple of months before that I had seen a brother steeling food in Tescos, so when this joker got on at Warren Street, this slim dirty black man I was thinking
‘is this what is happening to our men?’
He got on looked around and then he started
“excuse me ladies and gentlemen; I’m homeless and hungry…
When he had finished his begging speech there was a slight sigh of irritation around the carriage and he walked down holding out his cup.
‘Don’t hold your nasty cup in my face’ I thought as he walked by “stupid man, bringing black people a bad name” I was glad when he got off at Euston with an empty cup.

The second time I saw him on the train, I felt guilty. This same brother was back, jumping on at Warren Street. He had the same clothes on and was definitely no longer slim, he was skinny. He was really dirty this time, and looked like it had been a long time since a shave, his afro was disgusting.
‘is this what is happening to our men?’ I thought again…
He looked around and started
“excuse me ladies and gentlemen; I’m homeless and hungry and just need…
When he came past with his cup we both had eye contact
‘you shouldn’t give them cash’ I reasoned with myself ‘they just spend it on drugs’ but when he got off at Euston with an empty cup I had an uncomfortable feeling.

The third time I saw him on the train I felt ashamed. The brother stepped on at Warren Street looking like he had days to live. He had a black eye and his clothes, those same ones were all black and torn, he was bones by now, I wondered when he had last eaten or washed, a nasty stench followed him on. His beard was a tangle and his afro looked like something was living in there
‘oh crap’ I thought ‘this IS what is happening to our men’
He looked around and started, his eyes were glazed
“excuse me lades and gentlemen; I’m homeless and hungry and just need to get a little bit of cash together so that I can spend the night in the hostel and get a good meal to eat”
As he was speaking I also looked around at the people. Everyone was ignoring him and trying not to even look in his direction. Compassion overtook me and when he came past with his cup I dug in my purse and filled it.
“Thank you” he whispered and we both had eye contact. He got off at Euston as usual.

I didn’t see him after that. I wondered about him and thought to myself that I had probably killed him. I thought he would have gone and spent all my money on drugs and now he was dead and it was all my fault, I vowed never to give money to ‘them’ again. I half looked out for him at Warren Street but he never got on again.

The fourth time I saw him on the train was today. He stepped on at Warren street and I did a double take, I recognised him instantly but this was not the same man I saw months ago. This was a cleaner, fatter, healthier man with different clothes. He still looked like he was going through a lot so I braced myself for the speech…but he had another surprise for me. He pulled a little book out of his back pocket and sat down and started to read it.

I wonder if that will be the last time I ever see him…

That made my day!!!

Thursday, 18 September 2008

I need to start wearing make up!

On Tuesday I went on my first theatre review assignment to see 'Do you know where your daughter is?' written and directed by Angie Le Mar. You know the more I read and research about her the more I am impressed.

For those of you don’t know she is a British comedian, writer, director and actor. She used to do the Saturday Morning show on Choice FM and also she was on the Real McCoy on BBC, which was a comedy. Good Huh? She also made history in the west end with the first ever sell out show by a female black comedian. So she is doing well.

When I came out of the show on Tuesday, I was genuinely impressed (here is my review) however I was more impressed to read all about her school and see pictures on the wall of what she is doing for the children. She wanted to give something back so she set up 'The Angie Le Mar School of Expression' a stage school for children ages four and upwards. Fantastic isn't it? Helping those lost children especially the teenagers that would probably be hanging around on the streets bored and getting into mischief . That school gives them some goals and direction and a way of expressing themselves. What an inspirational woman!

Anyway I had to grab a picture with her and she, as always looks fantastic…I on the other hand I look like….well…all I can say is the time has come where I need to invest in make-up! Lol

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Ive been told before that the good ones were taken...

After putting petrol in my car yesterday I was about to drive off when a little sign came on my dashboard saying 'OIL' then my oil light came on.

So I pulled over (still inside the garage) and decided to have a little sulk.

The thing is (deep sigh) I don’t mind being a strong independent educated women with a good job who pays bills on time I can cook and eat healthy, I can keep my house clean, change my light bulbs and take the rubbish out. I can take care of myself, go jogging have a bikini wax I can look after most aspects of my life and I do it. But one thing I don’t want to start learning about is my car.

Even though I can change the oil, I'm a girly girl and I want to remain that way (pink and fluffy) I don’t want to chip nail polish whist getting dirty under the bonnet, that’s for a man to do. (Jill Scott We/I need you). Every boyfriend I have ever had took care of that sort of stuff, even guys I was just dating, I could call them and say 'baby my car needs an MOT can you sort it?' I've never even taken my car to the garage, I have ALWAYS let a man do it as I'm scared that once the garage owner sees a woman they would take me for a ride. I've been informed in the past that my brake pads have been changed or my backlight has been replaced and for those favours I've provided my own rewards.

So I sat there for a moment feeling a bit sorry for myself with my bottom lip quivering when an Audi Convertible pulled over with a tall, dark and edible black man inside

"Are you ok?" he asked/or mouthed through my closed window?

Quickly winding down my window I replied "My car needs oil"

"Okay" he smiled…. "Do you know what to do?"

"NO……" I giggled…(lie)

Anyway...he got out his car and we both went inside the garage. On the shelf were about 55 different types of oil, so I just picked up the first one and he laughed

'No your car cant use that one'"

I didn’t have a clue what the difference was but he showed me the right one then he went outside and put the oil in, giving me a little education whilst he was doing it.

"You are a darling" I purred at him, "thank you so much"

"No problem" he replied in a deep chocolate voice "anytime"

And as he shut the bonnet I noted his shiny gold wedding ring... so that was really that.

I thanked him some more got in my car, he got in his and we both drove off.

Lucky wife huh???

© Angel Sept 16th 2008