Beware the Crazies!

In my best friend post I mentioned that I once knew a girl that only washed her face once a week and another that ate four crackers a day. Where they are now? I don’t know, the face washing girl is probably sick and the cracker girl is probably dead, after all you can’t survive on that. The reason I don’t know where they are is because I try my hardest to avoid crazy people but sometimes in life they just creep up on me.

The first crazy I met was when I first moved to London. I rented in a shared flat with two tall hunky Nigerian brothers, for the case of the story I'm going to call them Chocolate and Caramel as that’s exactly what they were and truly delicious!! I don’t think they lived there at the same time, I think Chocolate moved in and then when he moved out Caramel took his room but I cant remember I do know that they were both around and I was happy to have them there. We got on well and we did not trouble each other and just to clarify I didn’t get with either of them. Messing with the people you pay rent with is a bad idea!

In the other room there was crazy. This was the first crazy I had ever properly been acquainted with and I was petrified of him. As with all the crazies he started off really nice and smiling but then the cracks started to show. He was the original reason why I avoid crazy people. Here are the highlights of a few things that happened.

· One night I came home late and he was standing in the doorway saying 'what time do you call this I was so worried?' I told him he was not my keeper and had nothing to worry about but this got him angry and told me he was going to teach me a lesson. I just managed to escape to my room and lock the door. I told Caramel who must have decided to keep an eye on him.

· One day crazy's father came to visit, he arrived smiling, he left in an ambulance - crazy had beaten him up.

· One evening my landlord found crazy sitting on top of the gas cooker which was switched on smoking a cigarette - the landlord had to wrestle him off it.

· Crazy drove his car into a bus and I heard about it because the police came for him.

· The final straw for me was when crazy tried to attack me in the kitchen, he cornered me and kept saying 'I need to talk to you, I need to talk to you' luckily Caramel was home and because of my previous story decided to deal with crazy. I can’t remember what happened but I do know crazy didn’t trouble me again, after this I just moved out.


The years passed by and I encountered many crazy people, like the guy that showed me his penis on the tube, or the date I went on...yeah I almost forgot about this...I was at his place sitting nicely watching a film and then he just got up and started attacking the air - his flat mates ran in and said 'oh no its happening again quick the music!' they rushed to the stero and put on some music and this calmed him. These experiences just made my opinion of the crazies more solid so can you imagine how upset I am to find that another crazy is in my life?

This one is a woman and worrying she is she is Mad (note the capital M) and she knows where I live and has my phone number!

We started off as friends and everything was calm but like I said before, this is how it always starts.

Here are some of her highlights

· She knocked on my door asking if she could use my toilet, I asked her what was wrong with her toilet she said there was a ghost in there. After she thoroughly mashed up my bathroom (it was like Armageddon) she came out ready to fight me asking why I locked her in there.

· She 'cooked' me some fish and gave it to me as a gift the fish was raw it had never been near a cooker. I asked if she knew it was raw she smiled and said she was trying to kill me.

· She threatened me and we had an argument because she said I stole her man. In all the years I have known her I have never seen her with a man. When I said this to her she said 'oh yeah, I never had a man did I?

· She also (worryingly) drove her car into a bus like my first crazy this must be a crazy trait

· She asked me for a hug, I yielded and she bit and licked my neck and wouldn’t let go, this was unpleasant/traumatic she hadn’t washed in weeks.

. She was sectioned about six weeks ago! Yup they came and took her away. But then she called me from her hosptial ward saying she would be out soon and she knows that I was the one that got her locked up - I wasnt. She said she is coming for me.

That last point is the reason why I wrote this...she is back out and she slipped a note for me through my letterbox this evening saying 'girl we need to talk I have missed you'

I dont want to talk!!!

Any suggestions.