Beware the Crazies!

In my best friend post I mentioned that I once knew a girl that only washed her face once a week and another that ate four crackers a day. Where they are now? I don’t know, the face washing girl is probably sick and the cracker girl is probably dead, after all you can’t survive on that. The reason I don’t know where they are is because I try my hardest to avoid crazy people but sometimes in life they just creep up on me.

The first crazy I met was when I first moved to London. I rented in a shared flat with two tall hunky Nigerian brothers, for the case of the story I'm going to call them Chocolate and Caramel as that’s exactly what they were and truly delicious!! I don’t think they lived there at the same time, I think Chocolate moved in and then when he moved out Caramel took his room but I cant remember I do know that they were both around and I was happy to have them there. We got on well and we did not trouble each other and just to clarify I didn’t get with either of them. Messing with the people you pay rent with is a bad idea!

In the other room there was crazy. This was the first crazy I had ever properly been acquainted with and I was petrified of him. As with all the crazies he started off really nice and smiling but then the cracks started to show. He was the original reason why I avoid crazy people. Here are the highlights of a few things that happened.

· One night I came home late and he was standing in the doorway saying 'what time do you call this I was so worried?' I told him he was not my keeper and had nothing to worry about but this got him angry and told me he was going to teach me a lesson. I just managed to escape to my room and lock the door. I told Caramel who must have decided to keep an eye on him.

· One day crazy's father came to visit, he arrived smiling, he left in an ambulance - crazy had beaten him up.

· One evening my landlord found crazy sitting on top of the gas cooker which was switched on smoking a cigarette - the landlord had to wrestle him off it.

· Crazy drove his car into a bus and I heard about it because the police came for him.

· The final straw for me was when crazy tried to attack me in the kitchen, he cornered me and kept saying 'I need to talk to you, I need to talk to you' luckily Caramel was home and because of my previous story decided to deal with crazy. I can’t remember what happened but I do know crazy didn’t trouble me again, after this I just moved out.


The years passed by and I encountered many crazy people, like the guy that showed me his penis on the tube, or the date I went on...yeah I almost forgot about this...I was at his place sitting nicely watching a film and then he just got up and started attacking the air - his flat mates ran in and said 'oh no its happening again quick the music!' they rushed to the stero and put on some music and this calmed him. These experiences just made my opinion of the crazies more solid so can you imagine how upset I am to find that another crazy is in my life?

This one is a woman and worrying she is she is Mad (note the capital M) and she knows where I live and has my phone number!

We started off as friends and everything was calm but like I said before, this is how it always starts.

Here are some of her highlights

· She knocked on my door asking if she could use my toilet, I asked her what was wrong with her toilet she said there was a ghost in there. After she thoroughly mashed up my bathroom (it was like Armageddon) she came out ready to fight me asking why I locked her in there.

· She 'cooked' me some fish and gave it to me as a gift the fish was raw it had never been near a cooker. I asked if she knew it was raw she smiled and said she was trying to kill me.

· She threatened me and we had an argument because she said I stole her man. In all the years I have known her I have never seen her with a man. When I said this to her she said 'oh yeah, I never had a man did I?

· She also (worryingly) drove her car into a bus like my first crazy this must be a crazy trait

· She asked me for a hug, I yielded and she bit and licked my neck and wouldn’t let go, this was unpleasant/traumatic she hadn’t washed in weeks.

. She was sectioned about six weeks ago! Yup they came and took her away. But then she called me from her hosptial ward saying she would be out soon and she knows that I was the one that got her locked up - I wasnt. She said she is coming for me.

That last point is the reason why I wrote this...she is back out and she slipped a note for me through my letterbox this evening saying 'girl we need to talk I have missed you'

I dont want to talk!!!

Any suggestions.

You’re Beautiful, Woman!

I should have said this early o’clock but I’m saying it now. When I keep saying how busy I am that is because as well as work and my business I’m also doing an event.

It’s called You’re Beautiful, Woman and I’m working with a team of six to organise it. We did it last year and it was successful so we are trying it again this year.

It’s in London on the 15^th August and it’s a day were we focus on black women’s beauty inside and out. It came about as we wanted to make sista’s feel good and it has been very well received. There are seminars, workshops, beauty treatments, networking sessions and even a market hall were people can buy things. Tickets are only £5 and we even give out goodie bags, freebies and prizes!

My role in the team is to co-ordinate the speakers and set up the programme for the seminars I spoke last year my talk was on feet (since I run a shoe company) so instead of speaking this year I have decided to organise new speakers.

Look this is me speaking last year!

So far it’s going well. I have a programme which includes personal styling, nutrition, natural hair care and skincare, I also have a workshop going on by a male dating coach called ‘Ladies I can find you that man’ or something like that.

For press we have contacted a few publications and we also have a couple of radio show slots coming out but if you can help spread the word I would be thankful.

Obviously I would love to see you there….so London Sistas are you coming down???

The website is here where you can find out more info and of course get a ticket.

www.yourebeautifulwoman.com

Wanted One Best Friend

In Sickness & in Health - Not being actually married I have heard this line said a lot at weddings. It’s strange because I never really thought about it until I got the Swine Flu. Being ill gives you a lot of time to lie down and really think about things. I guess that’s the only upside (if there is one) of getting sick.

Whilst most of my friends stayed away, actually one offered to push food through my letterbox so I'm going to let them off, fearless Mr Special did not give a damn that I had it and was around my house looking after me. When I asked him if he was crazy and wasn’t he bothered about getting it, he said "baby if we were married and you got sick, what would I do? Move out?"

It really touched my heart that I had someone in my corner as some of my 'best' friends didn’t even call. Mr Special made sure I had food & flowers and kept resting. Incidentally it’s not as contagious as everyone is making out - he didn’t catch it.

As a teenager I spent a few weeks working with the Elderly, it was so sad as many of them were on their way out and they didn’t get one visitor. They were just dumped into retirement homes to live out their last days. The joke was that the moment they died, family from all over the globe turned up to fight over their money and belongings it was sad.

So I decided, I don’t want people that are only going to call me or be around me when the going is good. Friends that if (God forbid) I passed would suddenly be at my graveside crying and telling everyone how much they loved me and that we were best friends. I want friends that are around me when things are not that great, good friends and I realise I need a best friend. Ok you could argue that Mr Special is my best friend but he is my man of course he is a good friend. Nope I want another one, a real one, someone I can do girly stuff with.

I tried to write down some qualities a best friend would have and here are a few.

Best Friend Requirements

* We have to be friends in sickness and in health - but this doesn’t mean mental health as that, honey, I just can’t cope with.

* Since I haven’t known you for life I need to know every single thing about you from first kiss to that secret booty call you used to have. I even want to know your annoying side. I promise to let you know all about me too!

* You have to have time to invest in the friendship otherwise what is the point. Also we need to meet each others families just like friends do.

* You have to like Beyonce because I really don’t understand those women that just hate her for no reason other than jealousy

* You can’t have any designs on my man.

* If you are the type person that though fear of infection, wouldn’t visit if I had swine flu. I need a phone call each day.

* I can’t take a procrastinator, so you have to be pretty motivated, if you are overweight and want to loose it please do it. Don’t spend the next 10 years of our new friendship eating chocolate and KFC and telling me how you need to loose weight. Eventually this will annoy me.

* We have to have similar interests in my history opposites have never attracted.

* You have to be pretty normal, i.e. I once met a girl who only washed her face once a week (and admitted it). Or I had another that only ate four crackers a day…those things I can’t cope with.

If you are interested please submit your application.

Also if you have any to add lets hear them!

I had swine flu!!

I had swine flu!! Can you believe it?

Me, Angel Cake, the no pork eating healthy, fit woman yes I caught it. I guess it goes to show that anyone can get it.

This is the reason why I haven’t blogged in a while. Yeah I know excuses excuses. As soon as I got better I had so much to catch up with it was crazy. But I have so much to tell you about I don’t know where to start.

Any questions blogville?? Ask me something whilst I go and visit all your blogs and think up a real post :)