The Kung Fu Bikini Wax

I didn’t think I would have the chance to blog again before I left but here I am. I couldn’t leave without telling you this story.

Yesterday, the final thing on my 'to do list before the holiday' was to get a bikini wax. That’s it, now I'm packed and will be setting off in the early hours.

I'm sure you all remember that waxident that I had where I took off my skin (Read Here) so I thought on this occasion the best thing for me to do would be to get it done professionally.

I always go to the same salon and the lady that does me is a Ghanaian woman called Elizabeth, she is lovely and I'm really comfortable with her. When I arrived at the Salon the receptionist a skinny blonde haired polish girl called through to the beauty room and said 'Ma Cho, Angel is here for her appointment"

Surprised I said "sorry, who is Ma Cho? My appointment is with Elizabeth"

The skinny lady replied "ah yeah Elizabeth is off sick, but don’t worry Ma Cho is good you will be fine" When she said that I noted a slight smile in the corners of her lips and that was that.

I waited standing in reception, it’s really hot at the moment and it was baking in there so I was by the door feeling a little breeze. Suddenly I heard a high pitched scream of surprise which forced me to turn around.

As I turned I saw it was a tiny old oriental lady who had made the noise. I'm around 5f10' and she wasn’t even 4 foot! She didn’t even come higher than my armpit. I had heels and shorts on so my legs must have looked so so long compared to her.

"HAA!! Oh my" she screamed (I wish I knew how to type the accent, just imagine a little Oriental woman and the way she spoke) "WOW, GIANT BIG LADY" she said "Big lady, big vagina, we will need more wax come come quickly lot of work now"

I was speechless and in a bemused state I followed her to the beauty room.

Elizabeth usually gives me a false sense of privacy by leaving the room whilst I strip to my underwear and then gives me a knock a minute or two later and asks if it’s ok to come in.

Not Ma Cho! Ma Cho just stood there smiling and waving her hands at me "come big black lady, hurry hurry, big vagina, I go cause you lot of pain huh? You go cause me lot of work huh?"

I felt shy and started to protest "I haven’t got a big vagina…" but she interrupted "HAA, hurry now, I feel excited"

I was in two minds if I should just put back on the shorts as I don’t want anyone in an excited mode waxing my most private parts so I said

"Well calm down, there is nothing to be excited about"

I took off my shorts and sat on the bed and I started to explain what I wanted when with one Kung Fu like move in the blink of an eye she slammed me down flat on the bed and ripped off my pants!! I'm telling you she was strong she winded me!

She said "shut up I know what to do" then glancing and the torn underwear she said "oh no, that always happening to me”

I, on the other hand was mortified. I have never removed my underwear for a bikini wax in my life! I had no intention of showing someone my stuff.

When I told my friend about that part she was in hysterics and when I told Mr Special he said "Torn? Like what ripped off? Did she not think you might want to keep those pants or perhaps you might like to travel home with underwear on?"

Apparently not!

So I'm lying back seeing the funny side now and her excited ways had me feeling like giggling I told her, please Ma Cho, not too much.

Because I was laughing it spurred her on. She was getting carried away and dancing around doing a few chops in the air. Every time she pulled off the wax strip she made a “YAH” sound

“I go make it nice for you” Rip YAH, Rip YAH, Rip YAH

“I go make you sexy lady” Rip YAH, Rip YAH, Rip YAH

“I make nice vagina, you have nice vagina , oooh sexy vagina”

Things were disappearing fast and I quickly pushed her out of the way and stood up.

Ma Cho, enough! I was laughing hard by then. But come on, I didn’t want to be bald. There needs to be some hair there. I believe that the men that like it totally bald are the ones who have some kind of paedophilic fantasies who want sex with little girls so there needs to be a bit of something to show I am a woman.

“Ok Ok big Amazon lady” she said “I stop now, but please lay down so I can put cream”

“Phew” I thought

So I lay back closing my eyes when I felt little pinches

I looked back up and saw she now had tweezers

“I get really small hairs ok? I make nice for you ok?

Luckily this only lasted a few minutes when she finally put some cream on and I left

“All ok?” the receptionist said I could see she was trying not to laugh it was then I realised that the whole place could hear everything.

What an experience!!

Talk to you when I get back x

The feeling of payback is sweet!

I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while but keep getting sidetracked. Today I decided that you all need to hear about it.

About a year ago, I noticed that there was a sista living on my street who looked around my age. In London none of your friends even live in the same borough and you have to travel to meet anyone let alone in the same street so I was quite pleased to see her.

We have the same routine so each morning we walk to the same stop, get on the same bus, go on the same tube and travel to work. I presume she works at Harrods as she often wears the fleece and no one, unless you worked there, would wear that normally.

So due to the fact that we see each other almost every day the natural thing would be to say hi, how you are you?

1st Encounter
My opportunity came in the supermarket one Saturday morning; I was just leaving and saw her in the queue for a taxi. So I walked over and smiled

“Hi” I said “are you waiting for a taxi?”

The girl looked me up and down, didn’t smile or anything, just gave me one mean look and said nothing so I continued quite nervously

“It’s just that…..well…I drive….so I thought I……”

I stopped there because so far she had given me no response just a nasty look on her face like she smelt something bad. Then I figured that perhaps she didn’t have a clue who I was! So I said “We live on the same street”

“Yeah I know” she spat

So I then rather sheepishly said “oh” and half smiled and walked off. I felt like a real idiot.

After this I saw her in the mornings as usual but it was only then I noticed that she was one of those people that just walk around with an angry look on their face and is probably just mad at life in general.

2nd Encounter
I guess we must have the same sort of shopping times as about a month or two later I saw her in the supermarket again. I was afraid as she came towards me with a massive smile on her face. Since the time I have been seeing her, this was the first smile I have ever seen.

“Hi” she said really nicely “did you bring your car today?”

Now I'm standing there thinking ‘WTF? This girl never ever acknowledges me and now she wants a lift home? She never ever speaks to me and when I tried to speak to her……..no way she can forget it!’

I smiled back at her and said “sorry love I'm not going straight back home today (lie) so I can’t give you a lift”

She looked really unimpressed and just walked off.

I did feel a bit bad though as when I drove past I saw her walking home with bags in her hands. I guess the credit crunch meant that taxis were off the menu lol

Final Encounter
After that, things had been pretty much the same between her and I, we had just decided to ignore each other.

Anyway, I think it was the 29th or the 30th December I was running a little late and as I was walking down the street the bus came so I had to run for it.

She was already at the bus stop and when the bus came she took one look at me, saw me running and got on the bus anyway and the bus drove off.

I WAS LIVID! She knows I get that bus, she could have made that bus wait, she could have put one leg in or spoke to the driver or something I was around four strides away but she didn’t.
I was late for work and I can’t tell you all the bad things I was thinking about this girl however the feeling of payback is sweet!

That night London was so cold -3 or something I remember even the radio presenters were going on about how cold things were, it was dark and I was on my way home when I walked past her at the entrance to my road. I could quite clearly see that she had been shopping again but this time all her bags had split open, her shopping was rolled around on the floor and she was standing there, cold and wondering what to do.

“Hi” she said he face had on that fake smile again

“Hi” I replied and kept walking

“Wait” she said “my bag has split”

I stopped turned and looked at her and then said most sympathetically “Yeah I can see” Then I walked on

“Wait” she said again “I was wondering if you would stay with my shopping whilst I go in and get a bag”

“Wait?” I said vexed “wait? What like you made the bus wait?” Then I kissed my teeth Jamaican style.

She looked quite alarmed and started to babble some excuses “erm…erm…I couldn’t make the bus wait the drivers now-a-days…blah blah blah”

“Oh well” I replied and walked off and into my house

Now Angel being Angel wouldn’t have been able to sleep that night if I had just left her out there so I waited around 10 minutes then went back outside with a couple of spare bags and gave them to her, I didn’t say anything I just handed her the bags and walked back into my house.

I felt good though…lol

Body Hair - Don’t try this at home…

This is slightly off topic but I have to tell you about this. So being a New Year its all about New Starts. I’ve never had much hair on my legs, it doesn’t really grow, I think I killed it with the constant attacks I have done to it over the years – this is the same for the underarm area. I go for a bikini wax every now and then to keep that area trim – yes it hurts I'm not going to lie. Also there is something slightly uncomfortable about lying on your back with your legs open, whilst a strange woman strokes your privates with a lollypop stick loaded with hot wax! But hey, (she shrugs her shoulders) ….a girl has to do what a girl has to do…

In 2008 one thing that was bugging me was…I was convinced that my upper lip area was getting darker. They say this is to do with getting older and hormones. I asked everyone about it but no one noticed apart from me. Even Mr Special said he couldn’t see anything and men really don’t like a woman with a moustache so they would say. Some of my most honest friends said that they don’t know what I was talking about but I was convinced. I even asked a strange guy who was trying to talk to me on the tube but he smiled and said he would have to get closer for a full inspection.

So I don’t know if I was just focussing on something small and making it bigger or I was really growing a moustache. Either way I wasn’t going to have a moustache in 2009 so, the night before my party - BIG mistake I decided to buy some wax strips and do it myself. I was being stingy and thought that there was point paying someone to take off a little bit of hair when I could do it myself…like I said….BIG (note the capital letters) Mistake.

Mr Special was on his way around, we needed to go and buy some party food so I thought I could quickly do it before he came. It looked really easy on the box and looked like it would take five minutes so I decided to do it.

I heated the strips in the palms of my hands like they say and then stuck the wax strip to the top of my lip but then the thought of ripping it off didn’t appeal to me so I stood in front of the mirror debating ripping it off. I realised at that moment the reason why you pay someone to wax you.

Five minutes later I ripped it off. With a massive PULL…You should have heard my scream it was louder and higher pitched than an orgasm scream. I think that even if you were five blocks away you would have heard me.

I looked at the wax strip and there was no hair on it. I obviously was being paranoid about the hair. Instead there was skin! Perhaps I took too long pulling it off and the wax had dried but whatever the reason it had ripped the top layer of my skin off. Now instead of an imaginary dark moustache above my lip I had a big red, stinging one and the box said don’t put any creams or oils on the area for 24 hours. I rubbed it a bit with an ice cube but that didn’t do anything and at the time when I was fussing over it he called me and said he was outside so I had to go.

The funny thing is, he didn’t really notice at first but in the supermarket under the bright lights he said, eying me suspiciously

“you’ve been doing some beauty stuff haven’t you?”

“Errmm yes” I replied sheepishly “you noticed?”

How could he not notice? It was still stinging me. However I thought I would play it cool so I said all sweetly

“I wanted to look nice for you” LOL!

He gave the perfect response that any man should give who is caught in a situation like that; I have to give him points for his response he said

“You look beautiful” and he kissed me

awwwwww