The Kung Fu Bikini Wax

I didn’t think I would have the chance to blog again before I left but here I am. I couldn’t leave without telling you this story.

Yesterday, the final thing on my 'to do list before the holiday' was to get a bikini wax. That’s it, now I'm packed and will be setting off in the early hours.

I'm sure you all remember that waxident that I had where I took off my skin (Read Here) so I thought on this occasion the best thing for me to do would be to get it done professionally.

I always go to the same salon and the lady that does me is a Ghanaian woman called Elizabeth, she is lovely and I'm really comfortable with her. When I arrived at the Salon the receptionist a skinny blonde haired polish girl called through to the beauty room and said 'Ma Cho, Angel is here for her appointment"

Surprised I said "sorry, who is Ma Cho? My appointment is with Elizabeth"

The skinny lady replied "ah yeah Elizabeth is off sick, but don’t worry Ma Cho is good you will be fine" When she said that I noted a slight smile in the corners of her lips and that was that.

I waited standing in reception, it’s really hot at the moment and it was baking in there so I was by the door feeling a little breeze. Suddenly I heard a high pitched scream of surprise which forced me to turn around.

As I turned I saw it was a tiny old oriental lady who had made the noise. I'm around 5f10' and she wasn’t even 4 foot! She didn’t even come higher than my armpit. I had heels and shorts on so my legs must have looked so so long compared to her.

"HAA!! Oh my" she screamed (I wish I knew how to type the accent, just imagine a little Oriental woman and the way she spoke) "WOW, GIANT BIG LADY" she said "Big lady, big vagina, we will need more wax come come quickly lot of work now"

I was speechless and in a bemused state I followed her to the beauty room.

Elizabeth usually gives me a false sense of privacy by leaving the room whilst I strip to my underwear and then gives me a knock a minute or two later and asks if it’s ok to come in.

Not Ma Cho! Ma Cho just stood there smiling and waving her hands at me "come big black lady, hurry hurry, big vagina, I go cause you lot of pain huh? You go cause me lot of work huh?"

I felt shy and started to protest "I haven’t got a big vagina…" but she interrupted "HAA, hurry now, I feel excited"

I was in two minds if I should just put back on the shorts as I don’t want anyone in an excited mode waxing my most private parts so I said

"Well calm down, there is nothing to be excited about"

I took off my shorts and sat on the bed and I started to explain what I wanted when with one Kung Fu like move in the blink of an eye she slammed me down flat on the bed and ripped off my pants!! I'm telling you she was strong she winded me!

She said "shut up I know what to do" then glancing and the torn underwear she said "oh no, that always happening to me”

I, on the other hand was mortified. I have never removed my underwear for a bikini wax in my life! I had no intention of showing someone my stuff.

When I told my friend about that part she was in hysterics and when I told Mr Special he said "Torn? Like what ripped off? Did she not think you might want to keep those pants or perhaps you might like to travel home with underwear on?"

Apparently not!

So I'm lying back seeing the funny side now and her excited ways had me feeling like giggling I told her, please Ma Cho, not too much.

Because I was laughing it spurred her on. She was getting carried away and dancing around doing a few chops in the air. Every time she pulled off the wax strip she made a “YAH” sound

“I go make it nice for you” Rip YAH, Rip YAH, Rip YAH

“I go make you sexy lady” Rip YAH, Rip YAH, Rip YAH

“I make nice vagina, you have nice vagina , oooh sexy vagina”

Things were disappearing fast and I quickly pushed her out of the way and stood up.

Ma Cho, enough! I was laughing hard by then. But come on, I didn’t want to be bald. There needs to be some hair there. I believe that the men that like it totally bald are the ones who have some kind of paedophilic fantasies who want sex with little girls so there needs to be a bit of something to show I am a woman.

“Ok Ok big Amazon lady” she said “I stop now, but please lay down so I can put cream”

“Phew” I thought

So I lay back closing my eyes when I felt little pinches

I looked back up and saw she now had tweezers

“I get really small hairs ok? I make nice for you ok?

Luckily this only lasted a few minutes when she finally put some cream on and I left

“All ok?” the receptionist said I could see she was trying not to laugh it was then I realised that the whole place could hear everything.

What an experience!!

Talk to you when I get back x

Body Hair - Don’t try this at home…

This is slightly off topic but I have to tell you about this. So being a New Year its all about New Starts. I’ve never had much hair on my legs, it doesn’t really grow, I think I killed it with the constant attacks I have done to it over the years – this is the same for the underarm area. I go for a bikini wax every now and then to keep that area trim – yes it hurts I'm not going to lie. Also there is something slightly uncomfortable about lying on your back with your legs open, whilst a strange woman strokes your privates with a lollypop stick loaded with hot wax! But hey, (she shrugs her shoulders) ….a girl has to do what a girl has to do…

In 2008 one thing that was bugging me was…I was convinced that my upper lip area was getting darker. They say this is to do with getting older and hormones. I asked everyone about it but no one noticed apart from me. Even Mr Special said he couldn’t see anything and men really don’t like a woman with a moustache so they would say. Some of my most honest friends said that they don’t know what I was talking about but I was convinced. I even asked a strange guy who was trying to talk to me on the tube but he smiled and said he would have to get closer for a full inspection.

So I don’t know if I was just focussing on something small and making it bigger or I was really growing a moustache. Either way I wasn’t going to have a moustache in 2009 so, the night before my party - BIG mistake I decided to buy some wax strips and do it myself. I was being stingy and thought that there was point paying someone to take off a little bit of hair when I could do it myself…like I said….BIG (note the capital letters) Mistake.

Mr Special was on his way around, we needed to go and buy some party food so I thought I could quickly do it before he came. It looked really easy on the box and looked like it would take five minutes so I decided to do it.

I heated the strips in the palms of my hands like they say and then stuck the wax strip to the top of my lip but then the thought of ripping it off didn’t appeal to me so I stood in front of the mirror debating ripping it off. I realised at that moment the reason why you pay someone to wax you.

Five minutes later I ripped it off. With a massive PULL…You should have heard my scream it was louder and higher pitched than an orgasm scream. I think that even if you were five blocks away you would have heard me.

I looked at the wax strip and there was no hair on it. I obviously was being paranoid about the hair. Instead there was skin! Perhaps I took too long pulling it off and the wax had dried but whatever the reason it had ripped the top layer of my skin off. Now instead of an imaginary dark moustache above my lip I had a big red, stinging one and the box said don’t put any creams or oils on the area for 24 hours. I rubbed it a bit with an ice cube but that didn’t do anything and at the time when I was fussing over it he called me and said he was outside so I had to go.

The funny thing is, he didn’t really notice at first but in the supermarket under the bright lights he said, eying me suspiciously

“you’ve been doing some beauty stuff haven’t you?”

“Errmm yes” I replied sheepishly “you noticed?”

How could he not notice? It was still stinging me. However I thought I would play it cool so I said all sweetly

“I wanted to look nice for you” LOL!

He gave the perfect response that any man should give who is caught in a situation like that; I have to give him points for his response he said

“You look beautiful” and he kissed me

awwwwww