Wanted One Best Friend

In Sickness & in Health - Not being actually married I have heard this line said a lot at weddings. It’s strange because I never really thought about it until I got the Swine Flu. Being ill gives you a lot of time to lie down and really think about things. I guess that’s the only upside (if there is one) of getting sick.

Whilst most of my friends stayed away, actually one offered to push food through my letterbox so I'm going to let them off, fearless Mr Special did not give a damn that I had it and was around my house looking after me. When I asked him if he was crazy and wasn’t he bothered about getting it, he said "baby if we were married and you got sick, what would I do? Move out?"

It really touched my heart that I had someone in my corner as some of my 'best' friends didn’t even call. Mr Special made sure I had food & flowers and kept resting. Incidentally it’s not as contagious as everyone is making out - he didn’t catch it.

As a teenager I spent a few weeks working with the Elderly, it was so sad as many of them were on their way out and they didn’t get one visitor. They were just dumped into retirement homes to live out their last days. The joke was that the moment they died, family from all over the globe turned up to fight over their money and belongings it was sad.

So I decided, I don’t want people that are only going to call me or be around me when the going is good. Friends that if (God forbid) I passed would suddenly be at my graveside crying and telling everyone how much they loved me and that we were best friends. I want friends that are around me when things are not that great, good friends and I realise I need a best friend. Ok you could argue that Mr Special is my best friend but he is my man of course he is a good friend. Nope I want another one, a real one, someone I can do girly stuff with.

I tried to write down some qualities a best friend would have and here are a few.

Best Friend Requirements

* We have to be friends in sickness and in health - but this doesn’t mean mental health as that, honey, I just can’t cope with.

* Since I haven’t known you for life I need to know every single thing about you from first kiss to that secret booty call you used to have. I even want to know your annoying side. I promise to let you know all about me too!

* You have to have time to invest in the friendship otherwise what is the point. Also we need to meet each others families just like friends do.

* You have to like Beyonce because I really don’t understand those women that just hate her for no reason other than jealousy

* You can’t have any designs on my man.

* If you are the type person that though fear of infection, wouldn’t visit if I had swine flu. I need a phone call each day.

* I can’t take a procrastinator, so you have to be pretty motivated, if you are overweight and want to loose it please do it. Don’t spend the next 10 years of our new friendship eating chocolate and KFC and telling me how you need to loose weight. Eventually this will annoy me.

* We have to have similar interests in my history opposites have never attracted.

* You have to be pretty normal, i.e. I once met a girl who only washed her face once a week (and admitted it). Or I had another that only ate four crackers a day…those things I can’t cope with.

If you are interested please submit your application.

Also if you have any to add lets hear them!

Life can sometimes be so…..refreshing…

It’s my birthday week and I'm in such a good mood starting from yesterday. Before I tell you about that I have some stuff to mention.

1) The dress that I loved in this post is sold out and they are not getting any more. If it wasn’t my birthday week I would be gutted but instead I have ordered three more dresses. When they arrive I will try them all on and pick one - you might have to help me.

2) My hair is done - on the eve of my party - I will get Mr Special to take some photos and I will post them. If I can someone to take a photo beforehand I will post them then.

3) Remember that trifilin brotha in this post? Well mini story…….I got an email from him saying

"Hey girl happy birthday for the 15th, I have booked an FBM for you as a birthday gift"
I was at work and confused I turned to my colleague and said "what is an FBM?" she didn’t know so curiosity got the better of me and I emailed him back.
"Sorry to be dumb but what is an FBM?"
"Full Body Massage" he replied
I was shocked and puzzled, why would he do that for me? So I replied
"Oh my gosh, that is very kind of you"
He then replied "yeah so when do you want me to come over and give it to you?"
"The voucher?" I said
"No" he replied "the massage"

LOL- you know I didn’t even have the energy to reply, very hilarious.

So now to the point of this post why I'm in such a good mood.

Yesterday

When I woke up I was relaxed and happy in Mr Special's arms. Strangely enough the night before Mr Special had given me a full body massage without even knowing the foolish story above.

Every time I open my eyes he is always awake and looking at me, he always tells me I'm beautiful even when I think I look my worst and you know something? That makes me feel beautiful.

We laid there and talked for a while and then we went jogging together. I love exercising with him as he is so encouraging it’s like having a personal trainer. When we came back we showered ate breakfast and enjoyed the day. When you are in a love cocoon, time just slips by, before I knew it, it was early afternoon and he had to go a meeting. I wasn’t too worried he had been with me all weekend.

When he left I realised that for the first time in weeks I had some spare time. It was a warm day so I took some water, some boiled sweets, a book, a mat, some shades and myself in a summer dress up to the park.

I love that park, its one of my favourite places (for Christmas Mr special framed a photo I took in that park and wrote a poem on top of it) I would have biked there but my legs were sore from the jogging. It’s not that near to where I live but it’s quiet. On walking in the park I clocked a brotha sitting on a bench reading.

I was so happy to see that, they say that we don’t read and here was a guy sitting just lost in his book. We nodded at each other and I then walked onto the grass laid out my mat and got relaxed. After a while of reading the sun was really beaming down so I decided to lay back and enjoy it warming my body. I don’t know how long I was there but on feeling a shadow across my face I opened my eyes to see that same brotha standing above me smiling.

Before I could get annoyed he said "would you mind taking a photo of me and my friend?"
I searched around for the friend as I had only seen one guy but it was true there was another brotha and he was also on the bench reading.

"No problem" I said but could he come here as all my stuff is here and I don’t want to leave it.

So he walked back to the friend and they both came back over. I noticed that the friend took ages and was limping. They handed me the camera and whilst they were discussing who would stand where I sneaked a photo, then they posed and I took another. I much preferred the non posed shot it looked so natural.

"Would you mind if I sat here and read with you?" the friend said "it’s my ankle, I don’t think I could get back over there"

I didn’t mind at all so then all three of us sat there reading in silence for around 30 mins.

I broke the conversation first

"So are you two on holiday?" I asked, they weren’t but I just presumed it since they wanted a photo. One of them was reading this huge book entitled 'Africa' the other was reading something called 'conversations with God'. We discussed books and what we have read before they were surprised at how fast I could read! I told them that 'my boyfriend thinks I'm a super reader' I thought I should drop that in quite early so they both knew that I had a man in my life. They were surprised that I had come to that park when I have parks nearer to me but I explained how I found peace there. Then we just talked…we talked about everything, about the state of the world, the children, how single women find a good man, how single men find a good woman, all about Mr Special, how that guy busted his ankle, all about hobbies, interests, jogging, biking, music and just life. Now no one can tell me that black men and women don’t get on.

I was there until 7pm!! And the sun was still shining.

When I left them there was no foolishness no "can I have your number" no corny chat up lines, all three of us just appreciated a good refreshing conversation and we went our separate ways.

I love these moments in my life.

Later in life it gets lonely and cold that’s why the young should talk to the old.

I love waking up naturally, not to the sound of an alarm, so when I awoke this morning I felt good.

It was strange because I had a dream about Michael Jackson. I don’t remember the details but I know he was in it. I have no idea why I was dreaming about him although he is coming to the UK in July to do his final concert, so perhaps it was about that. I have seen him in concert before and it was amazing, but now he is a weirdo so I don’t have high expectations…anyway I’m digressing. I woke up and for the first time in a long time I asked myself the question “what should I do with my day?”

I’m usually rushing around everywhere my time and life dictated by my diary but today I felt free, the day was mine.

I put on the radio and ate a lovely breakfast they had a little gospel playing isn’t it great how that music lifts you? Gospel music has a feel good factor about it.

I looked out and the sun was trying to get out and that’s when I saw my balcony and realised it was in a real mess.

Usually I love my balcony most of the time it’s beautiful. In the summer I sit outside and eat breakfast, on hot summer evenings I sit out there listening to soft music and reading. I planted lavender in pots out there so the smell would waft in when I have the doors open and I always feel like I’m on holiday when I’m out there. It faces trees and a grassy area were children play sometimes. It’s really quiet and a lovely place to live.

Anyway this morning it was a mess, because of the snow, the bad weather and general neglect all my other plants apart from the lavender were dead, or waterlogged. I realised that that’s what I would do with my day I was going to sort it out.

So I took myself to the garden centre. Do young black female’s garden? Or go to garden centres? I ask because when I arrived EVERYONE was staring at me. I really regretted wearing my hooded top.

I ignored the eyes and went into the outdoor section and browsed around, I tell you I was confused! All the beautiful things that I liked had too much info and I was reading the labels on how to care for these things and I wasn’t feeling confident.

There was a sales guy who had been following me around watching my every move so I turned and said

“Its ok darling I’m not going to steal a plant, it’s not a practical thing to try and run away with is it?” then I laughed but he didn’t there was a bit of an uncomfortable silence so I continued “Do you know anything about gardening? I’m looking for plants that don’t need to be planted in the ground and are happy in containers”

This guy was useless he just blushed bright red and mumbled something the scuttled off.

I laughed loudly and continued looking around and that’s when I saw someone who looked like they knew what they were doing. It was an old lady, she looked about 70 she had a few plants in her trolley and she was looking seriously at a gardening magazine.

“Hi” I smiled then I repeated the question that I had asked the sales guy

She smiled quickly, the seriousness disappearing from her face to reveal something that may have been beautiful when she was younger. She said “Well my dear, what you need is a…..

That was when we got talking, in fact I spent at least an hour in the garden centre talking to her. Her name was Betty and she was widower living alone. The reason I stayed so long is I realised that this was probably the first conversation with anyone she had in a while and also my day was free and I wasn’t rushing around anywhere. Isn’t it amazing what we can do when we slow down a little?

Even though she didn’t complain or mention it, I got the impression that she was lonely.

This was the second time she has left her home since the snow which was a month ago!! The first time was only yesterday. When it was cold she was really ill with a chest infection and has only just got better. She said she was happy to get out yesterday and get some food as she had been living on canned stuff. I was surprised and asked her if anyone called in on her when she was sick I also asked her where her family was. She said that she has one son but he lives in Australia and she hasn’t seen him in years and that most of her friends have died and the ones that are alive aren’t very mobile. I made a mental note that I need to have a few kids so that if one leaves the country there might be one around to take care of me. She has a big garden which her husband used to do but its just too much hard work for her now so she was there today looking for plants that just take care of themselves.

So we chatted and she confessed how much she was enjoying talking to me. The woman had a wealth of gardening knowledge that’s why young should always talk to the old. After asking me a hundred questions about my balcony she helped me choose some three new plants and gave me advice on how to revive the old ones. In fact she gave me so many tips and guidelines, some which I wrote down I was more than grateful.

I felt a bit sad to leave her but then we all have our own paths I wonder if I will see her again.

When I got home I did some serious work, following her advice and now my balcony is set to be a pretty picture. When everything starts growing and flowering I will post one :)

The first photo (white) is called a Choisya ternata, its an evergreen and the white flowers wont be on mine until late summer. its going to grow tall 2.5m.

The second photo (purple) is called a Skimmia Joponica its scented so should be nice for when im sitting out there. It flowers in the spring.

Time to Talk

Today was stunning and I’m still smiling. Unlike my last post (a gloomy rainy day) the sun was out and it was warm. We currently have some freak October weather its great and suddenly my mood is lifted!! The picture above is the tree right outside my balcony.

I took a walk in the park with a special friend and we had a lovely talk about life, future, business, friendships, in fact everything and nothing. Don’t you just love those types of conversations? Ones where you get to express yourself fully. With this person I can usually express every feeling within my heart without fear and today I really felt the benefits.

It got me thinking that we all need to spend more time talking and listening. We need to phone instead of texting. Parents need to switch off the TV, turn to their children and ask them about their day. Couples should really take that quality time together and share problems and worries and friends need to meet up for those coffees. If everyone talked their stresses and problems away perhaps they wouldn’t take them out on us and the world would be a better place (she smiles) don’t you agree?