My People, Please add yourself!

Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts

Thursday, 23 April 2009

I’m Scared.




I’ve been assigned an Elderly person for my charity work but unfortunately there will be no recipes, it’s a man!! I’m getting a granddad not a grandma I really pray we get on well. Sunday is our first meet up. (if you have no clue what I’m talking about read here)



So you know what I’m up to this weekend the charity work, but next weekend I’m taking Mr Special to stay at my Mummy’s. He was supposed to come up with it was her 50th but it clashed with his brothers wedding rehearsal so he couldn’t make it.


My family have already met him and already like him. They are happy because he makes me happy but as things get more serious suddenly I’m starting to feel scared. (sigh)

I have been through this twice before and the pattern goes something like this


Ten Steps to Doom

  1. I met the person and got into a serious relationship
  2. Introduced them to all my friends
  3. Taken them home to my family
  4. Family fall for the person and welcome him with open arms
  5. Suddenly he is in the fold, they remember his birthdays buy him gifts for xmas etc
  6. Things are happy for a few years
  7. Then somehow it all messes up
  8. I’m broken-hearted
  9. They are broken-hearted as the longer the person is around the more they get to know and love them
  10. And it’s back to square one…


(bigger sigh) I just don’t know if I can do it again not for a third time. To them or to me…I just don’t know if I can go through those ten steps again. I want it to get to point six and stay there for a lifetime and when I look in the mirror I have to ask myself, why cant it?

I’m scared in fact I’m petrified it won’t or that one day he will just turn around and stop loving me or taking care of me like he does. That tends to happen with me and its a real confidence kicker. However things are so so wonderful in our lives right now (only six weeks until we go to Antigua)


I have left myself totally open to him and perhaps it’s too much too soon but he has friends that were engaged within four months of meeting and we both believe that when you know its right you know.


Sometimes…by Angel

I have to hold my breath at the beautiful things he does…I am in awe

I have to try and reciprocate to show him how much I care….I am in love

I have to pray each night that we never reach point seven….I am in hope

Will you pray with me?